First Gifts

 When we arrive in China and Natalie is handed over to us, we have  been warned that she may be extremely resistant and scared.  We will be completely unfamiliar to her and we don't look like anyone she knows.  We don't sound like them either.  I bought her this little blanket bear, which I will give to her as soon as we see her.  She will love it, right? 

This cute little dress was Natalie's first gift, from my good friend Diana.  

 

Who Knows The Mind of God?

After we got the call a few weeks ago that the agency had decided on another family for the little 2 year old girl we were interested in, my first reaction (besides crying) was to wonder what was the point of  me seeing her on the website?  What was the point of requesting her medical file and information, only to spend hours and hours communicating back and forth with doctors, calling our insurance company, typing out a letter about our intentions to pursue her and how we would deal with her medical condition?  I am busy trying to keep up with teaching and hauling my kids around to all of their various activities, so I really could have used all that time for other things, not for something that ultimately wasn't going to end up happening anyway.  What was the point of going through all those emotions, and then being so sad when we didn't end up with her anyway?  What was the point of having people pray for us, only to have to turn around and tell each of them that we didn't get her?  It seemed all for nothing and a big waste of time and emotional energy.  

I still do not know for sure what the point was.  I do know that God uses everything in our lives for His purposes, this situation included. I know that somehow, it was important that we went through this disappointment.  

Because of this happening, we ultimately lowered the age of the child that we wanted.  We decided that we wanted her to be an older two year old - younger three year old when we travel to China to pick her up.  Looking at Farrah (that was the American name that the agency used to refer to her) made me really open my heart to a younger age.  We had originally said we wanted our daughter to be close to four years old by the time we got her.  From the very beginning I have never really known what age would be best.  I think God knew what I ultimately really wanted, but was a little too afraid to ask for.  Maybe he used this situation to open my eyes.  Maybe it was to expose and educate us on medical conditions that we had previously not considered.  Maybe it was to connect us with doctors in our area and give us more comfort by knowing about various medical treatments.  Maybe it was to show our kids how to pray about something, but really leave the answer up to God and trust that He is in control of it.  Maybe it was to have a lot of people praying for this little girl, that she would find the right family.  Maybe it was for me to see, yet again, the incredible amount of support that I have from my friends and family.  Especially my mom!  She is just about as emotionally invested in all of this as I am, and I love that.  I know she feels my pain.  She was excited about this little girl as well, and disappointed when it fell through.  I think we bonded a little bit more because of it.  Maybe, if for absolutely no other reason at all, it was to make me desperate to talk to God, begging Him for direction and peace no matter what.  He answered.  

Who knows the mind of God?  None of us, and I don't need to.  I just need to open my eyes to all that He might be doing, to ultimately lead us to the perfect little girl that He has chosen to be in our family. 

Her Name Is....

As I am sure you can tell by the name of this blog, we decided to name our little girl Natalie.  It took me quite awhile to get Chad to go along with it, but he finally gave in.  We have been referring to her as Natalie for several months now.  

Every other week or so I throw out a different name, just because there are so many names I love and I want to pick the perfect one.  Usually now when Chad talks about her, he just says "whatever we're calling her today."   

We are waiting on a middle name until we know her Chinese name.  We'd like to keep her given name as her middle name if possible.  If it really is something we don't want to keep for some reason, then I am thinking Natalie Noelle would be cute, since Natalie does mean "Christmas'' and all.  You can't find a much better meaning for a name than the birthday of Jesus!

However, until I see her little face, I do reserve the right to change her name at any time!  

Shoes!

Well I don't know who my daughter is yet, but I do know she already has some cute shoes!  Couldn't help myself.  I am so excited to have another little girl.  

 
First little dress I bought for Natalie.  I am thinking she will look great in this color.  I got rid of all of Jenna's clothes up until age 7 since we were sure we were done having kids.  Fortunately I have friends who are now saving things for her as well.  And of course I will be doing more shopping as soon as I know how big she is!

Where Are We Now?

After 5 months of working on this, our dossier was complete and sent to China on August 10th.  As you can see on my table, there were so many copies of everything that I needed serious space to organize it!  One complete set of papers was sent to the Chinese Embassy in Washington, which they kept.  The originals got sent to China, the agency (Holt) kept a set, and I have a set here at home.  Needless to say, when those originals went out by FedEx I held my breath until they were logged in in China.  

I have realized that I am an absolutely horrible blogger.  I only did this because so many other adoptive families have done it, and I know it will be really nice to have this all documented so we can look back on it and show our daughter someday.  I can't believe that I have not written an entry since June!  I guess I felt like there was never much to say and just got behind.  Well now it feels like a lot has happened so I am ready to get back to it.  Once we have a match and know who our daughter is, I am sure I will update all of the time!

To summarize all that has happened:  We applied to adopt on March 5th, 2012.  For the next 5 months I worked on our dossier (official set of paperwork required by China for adoption) and now for the past 2 months, we have had nothing to do but wait for a referral.  When we first began this process, I asked a member of the Holt team to give me an estimate on how long she thought it would take for us to get a match once our dossier had been sent to China.  She said about 3 months.  That would be about a month from now, and I had it in my head that we would get matched sooner.  I don't know why, I guess I was being really optimistic.  

About a month ago, I saw a little girl on Holt's website that I fell in love with.  Most of the children that are shown on the photo listing are ones that need extra help in finding their forever families.  They tend to have medical conditions that are more severe, but not always.  This little girl was younger than we had said we wanted.  She had just turned 2 and therefore would still be 2 years old by the time we would travel to China to pick her up.  After about a week of reviewing her file and thinking and praying about it, we told Holt that we wanted to pursue her.  There was also another family that had requested her information from the website and also wanted to pursue her adoption.  When this happens, there is a committee who meets and decides which family (there could be several families involved) will get that child.  They told us that they would make a decision by the end of the week.  My social worker warned me to "guard my heart" since this child may not be matched with us.  I thought I was doing that, and I knew that I would trust God no matter what the committee decided.  We got a call a few days later that they had chosen the other family for this little girl.  I held up for half of the phone conversation but then just started bawling.  I guess I had really opened my heart up to her more than I thought, and it was difficult to go from picturing her in our home and in our family to hearing that she would never be ours.  

My good friend Maygon gave me a necklace shortly after this, which is a pendant with a saying on it.  It says "Faith in God includes faith in His timing."

I love how God provides the love and support that we need, when we need it.  My friends and family have been so amazing, always asking us how it is going and praying for us, giving us words of encouragement when we need it, and loving us through it.  I am so thankful for every one of them!

Chinese Authentication

This was the final authentication that our dossier documents needed before being sent off to China.  Once documents were notarized, state certified, and then certified by the US Department of State, they were brought by a courier to the Chinese Embassy in Washington and each one received this sticker on the back of it.  I can't read it but it looks pretty cool.