Who Knows The Mind of God?

After we got the call a few weeks ago that the agency had decided on another family for the little 2 year old girl we were interested in, my first reaction (besides crying) was to wonder what was the point of  me seeing her on the website?  What was the point of requesting her medical file and information, only to spend hours and hours communicating back and forth with doctors, calling our insurance company, typing out a letter about our intentions to pursue her and how we would deal with her medical condition?  I am busy trying to keep up with teaching and hauling my kids around to all of their various activities, so I really could have used all that time for other things, not for something that ultimately wasn't going to end up happening anyway.  What was the point of going through all those emotions, and then being so sad when we didn't end up with her anyway?  What was the point of having people pray for us, only to have to turn around and tell each of them that we didn't get her?  It seemed all for nothing and a big waste of time and emotional energy.  

I still do not know for sure what the point was.  I do know that God uses everything in our lives for His purposes, this situation included. I know that somehow, it was important that we went through this disappointment.  

Because of this happening, we ultimately lowered the age of the child that we wanted.  We decided that we wanted her to be an older two year old - younger three year old when we travel to China to pick her up.  Looking at Farrah (that was the American name that the agency used to refer to her) made me really open my heart to a younger age.  We had originally said we wanted our daughter to be close to four years old by the time we got her.  From the very beginning I have never really known what age would be best.  I think God knew what I ultimately really wanted, but was a little too afraid to ask for.  Maybe he used this situation to open my eyes.  Maybe it was to expose and educate us on medical conditions that we had previously not considered.  Maybe it was to connect us with doctors in our area and give us more comfort by knowing about various medical treatments.  Maybe it was to show our kids how to pray about something, but really leave the answer up to God and trust that He is in control of it.  Maybe it was to have a lot of people praying for this little girl, that she would find the right family.  Maybe it was for me to see, yet again, the incredible amount of support that I have from my friends and family.  Especially my mom!  She is just about as emotionally invested in all of this as I am, and I love that.  I know she feels my pain.  She was excited about this little girl as well, and disappointed when it fell through.  I think we bonded a little bit more because of it.  Maybe, if for absolutely no other reason at all, it was to make me desperate to talk to God, begging Him for direction and peace no matter what.  He answered.  

Who knows the mind of God?  None of us, and I don't need to.  I just need to open my eyes to all that He might be doing, to ultimately lead us to the perfect little girl that He has chosen to be in our family.